Jackelopette

Here I am, a week or so later, and I am disappointed with my writing resolution.

It’s hard to write this, right now at least. Writing about the deployment makes it real. I know I’m not the only one sharing this sentiment. It’s hard to be lonely, but I feel like I’m doing a good enough job of keeping busy that I have run out of time to write. I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing.

People often remark that I must be a very resilient person, to have survived the events of the last few months without breaking. I think I have simply been too busy to fully experience all of it. Again, I’m not sure it’s a bad thing.

What’s happened? Well, starting in February…

• I moved to Washington with David.
• Three weeks after I moved, David left on a long field exercise. Meanwhile, Mike (the previous roomie) moved out and deployed, I had a long weekend in Davis with my beloved Alumni Chorus, moved my crap out of storage and into the apartment, collected the cats from southern California, and saw Grandma for the last time, all in two weeks…
• David came back from the field exercise in time for St. Patrick’s Day, just the day after I’d returned with the cats, then I left for several days’ work travel in Oregon. We had about two weeks of normal time before he left again, this time for over a month of training with the whole Brigade — meaning that most of my new friends and/or their spouses were gone too.
• Shortly after David left, I found out that a good 4-H friend of mine had died. See the Ross post for more information, but there hasn’t been any more closure since then. And yet…
• Fortunately (depending on your perspective) I also had another ten days of Oregon travel and a hell of a lot of work. I’m not entirely sure how I filled my time during this month, but I know I didn’t have much of it to spare. David came back early, though, in mid-May…
• And a couple of days after his return, he had more surgery on his wrist. So we didn’t exactly have normal time for that, either. My dad visited in the last few days of May and that’s when my summer imploded.

Grandma passed away the afternoon after my dad left. I had spoken to her over her hospital phone the day he did leave, and I had dismissed the finality in her voice as illness. While I did ignore that tone, the things we shared in that few-minute conversation were pithy and a worthy way to say goodbye. It’s not that I don’t miss her or wish I’d had more time – of course I do! – but the things we said to one another have been enough to comfort me. Again, I don’t feel I’ve had much time to experience the full grief. I am sure I will come the holidays.

I had talked to my dad around noon that day, after he’d arrived in Santa Barbara, and we knew things were not looking good. I booked a last-minute flight for that afternoon and my cell phone rang as I was going through security. It was my dad, calling to tell me that she’d stopped breathing.

The next few days I spent at home are somewhat blurry – there was so much to discuss and do and share that I don’t have a clear memory of what I felt.

Two days after I returned, I had my wisdom teeth out. Oh, and that’s the day the ACCESS 4-H project director and project manager, both people I’d consider good friends, were no longer employed by Council. I’m selfishly glad I had the haze of pain and painkillers and wicked nausea to distract me – I found out via email blast as I returned from the surgery, so at first it all seemed like a dream.

I think we had two full weekends between my wisdom teeth removal and the beginning of our ridiculous vacation itinerary, and both were busy. In the last month we have spent a vast amount of time in Seattle and at Army parties, in the Bay area with family and good friends, even a week in London and another touring the east coast… Those three weeks alone deserve their own post.

Two days after we returned from the last leg of the traveling, David departed for a year. I’m still finding things that need to make their way overseas to him. I spent a day broken, though I still did my daily work. I spent a few more days fighting back tears whenever someone asked me how I was doing. I found things to do instead of cry.

But I haven’t given myself the leisure to examine the way I’ve felt until now. And see! I’ve filled it with recaps and observations. Of course, I doubt I’ll ever share the depths of what I do feel, but I felt an obligation to announce that Yes! I yet live! This is what I felt like writing. So yes, perhaps I’ve made a good start.

This week has been a shock of quietude, at least during the day. I am still swamped with work; we have looming deadlines and a shortage of hours to complete them. And with the rest of the Brigade’s soldiers yet to deploy, there have been plenty of excuses to get myself out of the apartment and savor what time I have remaining with the friends who haven’t yet left.

I suppose I’m finding out how good I am at distracting myself. Give me another couple of weeks, for them to leave, for me to finish my annual pilgrimage to the land of fluffy critters and blue ribbons, for the familiar structure of weekend parties and summer business to taper off… and I think perhaps I will have time to fully feel all that has happened.

Oops. No. I have a choir audition tomorrow. Perhaps instead of writing it all down, I’ll find myself singing it out. That’s always worked well for me…

Found out yesterday that a cherished 4-H friend passed away earlier this month.

Ross was a Nevada Collegiate 4-H’er and camp volunteer whom I first met at the 2004 National 4-H Technology & Leadership Conference while working on 4-HUSA. Since that event, I’d kept in touch with him and often called on him for his insights while working on other tech and leadership projects for 4-H. Everyone in the 4-H community who knew Ross spoke highly of his sense of humor, unquestioning commitment to the 4-H program, and overall classy personality.

He was someone I could (and often did!) call up for an impromptu ski trip or advice on a presentation. We even survived a trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras together, as well as road trips to San Francisco and San Luis Obispo. For the Collegiate 4-H, he was a mature and stabilizing influence who refused to fall into the notorious drama of that time period, but still someone who would happily mediate everyone’s differences so we could all go out and celebrate afterward. The guy had incredible integrity and a great smile.

Here’s to you, Ross. May you find peace wherever you are now.

With the amount of travel I’m racking up this summer, I will have many, many frequent flier miles. Let’s hope I have the time to make use of them.

My little one-bedroom apartment is great, but it’s lonely and expensive to live here on my own. Therefore, I’m making arrangements to move into a shared house – I don’t know which one from my list yet, but I’ll be saving between $300 and $500 a month by moving. Yes, it’s a bit stressful with all the travel going on, but I think long-term it’ll definitely be worth it.

ACCESS 4-H is moving along well. I lost a lot of confidence in the last couple of weeks, but after 10 days with Bob, Jon, and Jess it’s back and much improved. I was getting overwhelmed with everything going on … now I’m still busy but I feel like I can handle it. That’s good news for me.

So yes, I haven’t been blogging much, and I probably won’t be for a while. But I’m still alive and moving fast.

So a couple of weeks ago, as I was in the throes of my homesickness, my boss (who is awesome) offered me the chance to return to California. Specifically, Davis.

So all my plans got tossed in the air, I’m moving in less than two weeks, and I have the joy of coordinating all the ACCESS stuff plus packing and finding an apartment and dealing with the moving of all my stuff between Ojai and Davis (again), aaaand oh yeah. Steven and Allison are getting hitched on the 5th of April. I depart DC with all the stuff I’ve accumulated here on April 3. On April 8 I head north from Ojai with said stuff, plus all the stuff from my previous residences.

Yup.

Color me busy.

I realize I haven’t been talking about the nature of my work lately.

Just assume that 4-H at the national level owns over 100 domains. Many of them redirect to each other, but it’s still a gigantic headache. This dates back to the days when every new initiative or corporate partnership or idea or whatever automatically deserved its own domain name.

Insert web-wide confusion here.

I can’t really talk about the fun things we’re designing and playing with, and really, it’s not us doing the coding. We’re just the buyers. And, as the customers, we’re right. Right?

ACCESS 4-H

We’ve been exploring all the many tools for online collaboration, social networking, statistics-tracking, and web-based learning we can. The goal is to incorporate ALL of these in a single, unified national 4-H web presence. If even half the things in the works go live, this project should significantly change the way 4-H does its magic – for staff, volunteers, and youth.

Here’s what I hate. I hate not being able to talk about it, because it’s seriously interesting stuff. I hate not being able to pick the brains of my friends for specific ideas, because that’s what I love doing.

It’s looking likelier and likelier that I’ll get to do that soon, though.

Beta approacheth.

One of my little projects (that I *am* allowed to mention in public) has been the navigation fixing and general format changing of Clover Corner News. Expect my fix to go live in 2 weeks – January 1, baby.

Cryptic, I know, but believe me, I’m having fun with it.

I’m also learning a lot along the way. Allison and Greg may remember the failed attempt to teach me CSS. Playing with Movable Type templates and whatnot has made me, while certainly not fluent in CSS or PHP by any means, definitely able to tweak my way to satisfaction.

To sum up…

I am getting paid to geek out on the internet. Seriously. This is kind of awesome.

Announcement:
While it’s all very much still undecided, I do have an opportunity to do a 3-month internship at the National 4-H Council in Chevy Chase, MD. Once I get a few more of the details worked out, I intend to go do it. I’m excited. It’s about time.

Boston was a good trip. Very few of my plans worked out as expected, but it ended up being a fun fun time. Essentially, I tweaked my back and ended up staying out late, so my planned tours didn’t exactly happen the way I’d intended. So, some highlights:

• Mrs. Hoye look-alike on the Midway-Providence flight. Quite disturbing, for any of my readers who went to VPS. *shudder* And she was directly ahead of me in the SWA line.
• Staying with a couple high school buddies whom I don’t get to really hang out with that often… things change but fun stays the same.
• Harvard Yard was an instance of major deja vu – geography is very very similar to Trinity College. I lolled and people-watched. I may not be a Harvard or MIT grad, but at least I have used the same toilets as the finest minds of my generation… now what does that say about me?
• Eating dinner outside Fenway Park during the Sox-Angels game and watching the fans. Also laughing at the t-shirts.
• Harvard Bridge and Smoots.
• MIT Hacks. I got the first-person commentary on a few of them from Jason…
• The MIT Great Glass Pumpkin Patch. Pretty pretty glass pumpkins.
• I didn’t do the full Freedom Trail but I did manage to wander around Boston Common with an old and a new friend. Horses need diapers.
• Air Force guys are highly entertaining. So are engineers. Commentary becomes comedy…

Now that I know what to expect, my next visit should encompass everything I missed and more. It also got me quite interested in the DC thing. I can’t wait to see more of the east coast… consider me hooked.

I have basically two families. The one I claim by blood, and the one I claim by friendship and 4-H.

There are some cousins I see once every two years or so, and there are some 4-H’ers I see once every year or two…

…and guess when I cry as I say goodbye.

Yep, it’s another episode of Three Days that Feel like a Month! Woohoo!

(if it’s still blank, harass me so that I remember to update!)

Thursday:
Woke up earlyish to vacuum and prep the apartment for the arrival of the You See Davis Days kids. Faryn and I headed to the Buehler Alumni Center (near Mondavi) around 11:30 for the early arrivals, and hung out in the hot hot sun for about three hours. Around 1 I rounded up the ones who were already there and struck out for the MU so that we could grab something cold to drink. Sandy did the “behave or else!” speech, then we traipsed merrily back to the MU (with all 16 delegates this time) before splitting up and heading to class. I then made ANOTHER walking trip back to the Mondavi Center for choir rehearsal with 4 of my delegates. Fawzi (the choir TA) tried to convince the girls to come up and sing with us, but no takers. Alas. Left choir early and walked back up toward campus, this time to the ARC for our pizza dinner.
I took off from there for a Classical Studies Association meeting for parade prep, and caught the Band-uh marching rehearsal on my way back. I caught every rehearsal they had last week, figuring that I’d at least know what I was getting into and get good and tired of watching the pre-parade show. Then we played pool with the delegates at MU Games before heading to the Commons for Ben & Jerry’s and a little free time in the shops there. Brett spoke on the many benefits of Greek life… Alpha Gamma Rho (AGR) is the ag fraternity, and its current president is Bubba. The kids were quite amused. A little confusion in the parking lot trying to track down all the cars and drivers, then divvy up the delegates to each chaperone… woohoo. It didn’t help that Sandy’s car (Cherry, who’s male) was in the shop. At least Kyle had Steven’s Jimmy to take up the slack.

Friday:
Awoke at 7, got all 9 girls (ours, Sara’s, and Faryn’s) on the bus to the Silo at 8:15. Some of the girls were shocked… I don’t think buses are nearly as popular in non-college towns. Sheesh. It’s a way of life for me! Breakfasted at the Tercero DC, then launched the kids on their scavenger hunt. I’m quite proud of my scavenger hunt list — many many items, and a surprising number of them were actually completed in the 2 hours they had. One of the required items was a photo with a Unitrans driver in a double-deck bus, and the one photo that actually filled the requirement was taken with my friend Danny. So we printed off the picture, the kids signed it, and I gave it to him as a thank-you for putting up with our antics. W00t.
After the Scavenger Hunt, they took off for Scrubs (the cafeteria near the Vet School), ate lunch, then came back to the ARC, which was crawling with prospective students and their families. Thursday and Friday were just crazy with people, infesting my whole campus. I had such a strong feeling of possessiveness about my school. Pride, I suppose. Then a brief tour of the baby critters at the Animal Science Teaching Facility, a failed tour of the ARC and a small one of the Craft Center, and we finished up with a tour of the Vet School. More last-minute errands for pre-Picnic Day and I caught a chunk of the Band-uh rehearsal. Again. Woohoo! Then, a barbecue at our complex’s clubhouse by Joe (no mystery meat, though) and it started raining. Noooo! A bunch of girls stayed later at our apartment to watch Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit. I hit the hay early so that I could wake up in time for Picnic Day!

Saturday: PICNIC DAY!
I rode my bike to campus for the parade, then donned my rainbow toga and golden wings with CSA. Even the faculty were dressed up! I have pictures of the prep and the madness… hogod. Anyway, amid much hilarity, Danae did our hair and makeup while we nibbled on lovely garlic-onion bread and sipped… orange juice. The Band-uh was warming up, the Unitrans double-deck got painted, and we observed our fellow parade-marchers. Here’s the funny part: we marched behind the 4-H club. Snicker. Professors Trail and Albu were Zeus and Hera, Jonathan and Danae were Hades and Persephone, Professor Rundin was Poseidon… and Jeffrey was Dionysos, with Professor Fishman as his Maenad. Fishman is the one I complained about in Fall ‘05. Jeffrey is an ice skater with no shame. Insert faux debauchery here…
So Jeffrey and I proceeded to embarrass the hell out of Fishman as we brought up the rear of the parade, and he had his enormous snifter of red Welch’s grape juice with which to confuse the spectators. On several corners I saw cops shaking their heads with half-believing smirks, and the cop standing next to Steven as we passed apparently asked “so, what’s this Dionysos the god of, anyway?” … apparently Steven responded “god of wine, I think.” He wasn’t sure so he asked me later. Oh, and our Apollo and Artemis had lots of fun with their little bows, and Eros had fun posing with flirtatious girls all along the route.
Allison has very good friends among Humboldt’s Lumberjacks. They were staying at the apartment while they toured Davis, and so I hung out with the Lumberjack’s axe major at lunch. She had a mohawk and gorgous green prom dress with her Tevas… and a large axe instead of the typical drum major’s baton.
Anyway, I was sore-footed from kiddos and marching, Steven was jet-lagged from his trip to Europe, and we mostly hung out at the Arboretum for the Battle of the Bands from start till about 6 PM. I was there for the massive madness during the jam session known as “Beginnings” — which involved a good 20 minutes or more of all six bands racing around and dancing by section all over the Arboretum and in the audience.
Then, when we finally decided we needed space to sit down and time to relax, we headed over to Steven’s apartment, where we all watched Lost while Alli made her Alliburgers. I quite enjoyed our Lumberjacks, for they had a most excellent black Lab puppy and they were funny. I think Hammy might come to Davis this fall… I hope so. She’s entertaining and Alli-like.

Sunday:
Well, we slept in shamelessly on Sandy’s birthday, then got brunch at Crepeville with her dad and Alli. Then Alli and I got into garb and collected Zorro in our hobbitty outfits, stopped by the 4-H office to scare Steven and his National Conference team, and headed over to Vacaville for the Middle Earth festival. On our way back, we stopped in Borders and perused the scifi/fantasy section (still in garb, of course) and impressed small children. The Safeway checker dude complimented us on our fine fashion choices. Theeeeennn Alli and I returned to her apartment and watched more Lost while she baked Sandy’s birthday cake. Alli is the queen of the kitchen. I worship at her feet. I crave her cooking. She is yumminess. Anyway, the cake was a success and good times were had.

I will now sum up the entirety of Winter Quarter 2006.

ESP 100
Ecology means all the species work together to achieve a nirvana of good-enough-to-survive

Comp Lit 20
Nature and man are disconnected because man is arrogant and naive and doesn’t understand Ecology (see above).

SOC 180A
Organizations work on an ecological basis: if they’re not good enough to survive, they don’t.

Latin 125
Semper ubi sub ubi, quod nemo exspectat Inquisitionem Hispaniam**.

Collegiate 4-H
The rules say we have to vote to vote in order to amend the amendment, so you can’t vote.

Guild Wars
Dancing naked in the streets can be fun under the right circumstances, and black dye isn’t just a lifestyle — it’s the means to a better life.

Knees
Cartilage tear: painful.
Surgery: expensive.
Crutches: slightly less expensive.
Getting hit by the crutches ’cause you called your roommate “Hopalong”: priceless.

Heresy
Getting kicked out of the Catholic Church makes for great conversation-starters, and can get you a cool new nickname.

Wine
Vinum is a great way to bring people together with their true love: chocolate fondue. It goes great on strawberries, bananas, t-shirts….

Soccer
No matter where Sandy goes or who she meets from whatever country… she will always be able to strike up a conversation with an avid soccer-lover. Somewhere. And I will sit there, laughing.

Dim Sum
I need to have my birthday more often, in order that my friends and I might indulge in the heavenly meal known as dim sum whenever humanly possible.

2006 Davis City Council candidate forum hilarity (my vague memories of last night)
“Dude, we should have a BMX bike park! The kids’ll love it! It’ll be totally wicked!” ~ Rob Roy (of course)
“Don’t put all your baskets in one egg.” ~ Ruth Asmundson
“There’s a lot of growth down there.” ~ Lamar Heystek
“When I was on the Council…” ~ Stan Forbes
“I have a two-year-old daughter… sorry, make that two-and-three-quarters.” ~ Mike Levy

**Always where under where, because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

2006 National Collegiate 4-H Conference…

• “Sometimes the furnaces worked to keep us warm, and when they didn’t, we all got a little more friendly.” ~ Larry the speaker
• “I thought he was just a really tall guy…”
• “We don’t think that’s safe.”
• “Could you guys not gather, please?”
• “It’s against the mall rules to gather…” (as we stand in front of the rules reading them)
• “I vote to vote that we amend the amendment…”
• “UC Davis: one yes, one no, and a RESOUNDING KUMBAYA!”
• “I remember going to the second National Collegiate 4-H Conference… we were talking about constitutions and amendments there, too…”
• “And the hotel is just a block or few from Baton Rouge’s best bars and clubs…”
• “YOU LEFT THE QUOTE PAPER BACK IN THE HOTEL?!? HOW COULD YOU?”

As usual, the conference was full of fun people and the drama was more entertaining than harmful (for once)… but I think that our own club is tanking badly. It depresses me to think that I wasted three+ years on something that doesn’t accomplish a whole lot of good compared to the hours we invest. I could have done a lot more with my time.

I guess February delayed itself a bit.